Thursday, December 23, 2010

The same 'ol same 'ol.

My day starts off with a screaming baby at around 7AM. I feed him, burp him, change him. Then put him back to sleep and hopefully get some more rest myself. We usually get up around 10 and start the day all over again with another bottle followed by burping and changing. I never realized when I was pregnant how hard it is to do the simplest tasks with a baby. For instance, It takes me almost 3 hours to do a load of laundry, and about an hour to get ready to leave. Cleaning my room is almost a 12 hour process on my own. So I end up sitting around and waiting for someone to have a day off to watch the baby so I can get my chores done. Having kids is no joke, I'm stressed out of my mind. Between work, school, and a baby. I've honestly lost about all of my so called "friends" because I can't do the things I used to. They just don't get it. It's not about me anymore, It's about my son. It seems as though they've forgotten about me but, just goes to show what good friends they really were.  When it's about noon my son usually takes a half an hour nap and I try to get some "me time" which usually ends up being picking up after my son, and attempting to get dressed or something. Usually never happens for me unless I have to work. I suppose it's about time to start the day.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Just the beginning.

I was sixteen when I met my boyfriend, we fell for each other almost instantly. Rushed into a relationship but, it worked. We spent almost every waking moment together. Fishing, riding bikes, going to the beach, road trips, you name it, we did it. Six months into our relationship he gave me a promise ring, I was speechless, utterly in love. About two months later I just didn't feel right. I thought maybe I was just getting sick. We were just a few days away from our first Christmas together. So I didn't say anything, big mistake. I got up about three in the morning to excruciating back pains. My mom rushed me to the emergency room. almost two hours later the doctor came in to tell me I was pregnant. He asked me how I felt, I said "I'm sixteen and pregnant how would you feel?" I called my boyfriend the following morning. He hardly had a reaction, I thought things were going to be just peachy. We would be the picture perfect family, I had everything planned out. Funny how thing's never go as planned, but anyways. The days went on, my belly got bigger, and the fighting began, we still spent a lot of time together. But, not as much as we had before. He moved into an apartment just around the corner, so we could spend more time together. It seemed the more time we spent together, the more we fought. I had never thought his family liked me much, I never felt very welcome at his house. I stared to feel like he was drifting away from me and I knew that wasn't like him. Once again, I didn't say anything. I noticed his mother was pushing him to move back home and that she said smart things when I wasn't around. I felt so betrayed, I couldn't believe she would want to take him away from me. I hated her I absolutely couldn't stand her. Eventually my boyfriend quit his job, and moved back home. I was devastated, even though his parents only lived 15 minutes away I couldn't bare it. I started to have to bribe him to come out with me and do stuff. He began looking for another job and said he was stressed all the time, which always came back on me.  He was always yelling at me for something I didn't do. I didn't get it. He wasn't the man I fell in love with. He started to not answer his phone when I texted him or called, and I was getting really close to my due date. I was nervous he was going to miss the delivery. So one night I called him going ballistic. I told him he was going to miss the birth of his own baby and I would never forgive him for it.... The next day about five AM my water broke. I called him, and he answered he flew to my house and him and my mom rushed me to the hospital. I didn't get it I still had a month to go, but the baby was coming. After an 8 hour labor, I gave birth to my beautiful baby boy and my boyfriend was amazing. He told me that it was the best moment of his life. I stayed in the hospital for a week and he was there every morning at five AM till eleven PM. I remembered why I had fallen in love with him. We brought our son home, and my boyfriend began living with me. Things were good for about a month or so, until I felt we were becoming a burden on him. He had to work so he couldn't feed the baby or change a diaper at night because he needed his sleep. Meanwhile I got up every three hours to feed our baby, and change him. I was doing it all on my own, my postpartum depression was terrible. I felt worthless to him, and to everyone I would just break out crying all the time, he only tried to help me once, and then he flipped out and made it about him. Once again we had a huge fight resulting in him moving back home. We've been back in forth, on and off about 5 times since then. Our baby is now 6 months old, we live in separate houses, and I take care of the baby still on my own. I never knew how quickly someone could change. . . and this is just the beginning.